Saturday, 11:21 P.M. Current Mood: Oh hell no
How does one go from ‘happy’ to ‘ain’t this some shit’ in a matter of seconds? Well what had happened was……..
I think too much. That’s what the hell happened. If I could just sit here without thinking so much, then maybe, just maybe this would have never happened. It was one simple thought “Hmm, when’s the last time you took your contacts out?” that took my really great Saturday night and turned it into a really crappy (no pun intended) Saturday night.
I never take my contacts out until I remember that I haven’t taken them out in a while. Well that one stupid thought reminded me that I haven’t taken them out in a while, so I decided let’s do it.
I make my way over to the bathroom looking like a responsible adult, because I just promised my boyfriend that starting tonight I will take them out every night like I should. Yeah right, I know better than that. But he’s smiling, so let’s just play along.
Once in the bathroom I find my contact case and my contact solution and get to work. A few minutes later, both of my contacts are successfully in the case with the correct letter indicating left and right tightly screwed on. Gosh my eyes feel so good, naked almost.
I am now blind. I smile at myself in the mirror. All I see is fuzz. I reach over to grab my glasses and OH NOOOOOO. My hand sweeps side to side in a panicked motion trying to connect with anything that feels like an eye glass case. This can’t be happening. How stupid are you to not have your glasses out before you take your contracts out. Good thinking, Jaclyn….NOT! I soon remember that I rearranged the bathroom cabinets two days ago and I have no idea what new home I gave my eye glass case. “CALEB……CALEB” Where the hell is he? “CAAAAALEEEEEB!” silence……..shit, I’m on my own. So back to swiping I go, grabbing, touching, getting within 1 inch of every item in my bathroom, trying to find this stupid eye glass case. Check the cabinet above the toilet again. That’s where it used to be and maybe you never moved it. So back to the cabinet above the toilet I went, blindly feeling for that case when I heard it….that distinct sound of my retainer being shook inside of its case. Then I hear it hit the top of the toilet and then I hear a splash. Oh hell no!
I am 100% certain that the retainer case just fell in the toilet. So I look down and even with my fuzzy eye sight I know I would at least be able to see that bright green case in the toilet, but it is not there. Shut up. Seriously where the hell… Then I see it on the floor. But if it’s on the floor and I heard a splash…..OH NO. With shaking hands I pick it up and I instantly knew that when that case hit the top of the toilet it opened up and the actual retainer went in the toilet since I was now staring at an empty case. Shit. Shit shit shit!
Now I need to decide if I will blindly stick my hand in the toilet to retrieve the retainer or continue to blindly look for my glasses. I am starting to hyperventilate at this point and decide that I would rather be blind that have my retainer spend another second surrounded by toilet water, so I stand up to go get some gloves on, when staring me dead in the face is my stupid ass eye glass case. Son of a bitch. Really? You were there all this time and just NOW decide to pop up.
My glasses are now on my face and my retainer is now soaking in the hottest water known to man, although I have no intention of putting it back into my mouth. Just felt like that’s what needs to be done.
As I sit here and type this I don’t know what embarrasses me more; the fact that I told y’all my damn retainer fell in the toilet or the fact that I even admitted I wear a retainer. Either way you’re welcome for letting me become that person that when your night isn’t going as planned there is always someone out there who is having it worse. Yep, I’m having it worse. Me and my new shit mouth retainer 😦